


In Fair Tadfield

by Tezca



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternative Universe - Human, Gen, M/M, alternative universe, inspired by Uzumaki by Junji Ito, references to Uzumaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:55:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27342358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tezca/pseuds/Tezca
Summary: Sometimes a curse ends up being a blessing
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5
Collections: Trickety-Boo! Exchange





	In Fair Tadfield

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CatofApocalypse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatofApocalypse/gifts).



> Written for the Trickety Boo Halloween Exchange on the GO server
> 
> Spooky rating: 1

Tadfield was a funny little village, a small one located by the coast in the South Downs in England. An odd place where nothing was out of the ordinary to an outsider that just passed through. An idyllic place that strangely had perfect weather that fitted each season. There was no variation, no break in the weather pattern. But this, believe it or not, wasn’t what made Tadfield so different from all the towns and cities across the world. 

There was an obsession. A neverending one that, without fail, ended in unexplainable horror. It always had to do with spirals. Well, ok, maybe not always spirals, the curse that befell the town doesn’t have that much of a one track mind. Spirals was just one of the many innocuous things that had led a citizen to a gruesome death.

For example in some cases tech such as a phone was involved. Or it would be a mannequin or traffic lights. Plants that, on the surface, serve to only bring color to Tadfield’s scenery, but hide a deadly secret beneath the surface of tranquility and serenity. In one case it was bubbles of all things. Yes bubbles, the soapy byproduct one would be hard pressed to imagine the possibility of it being a threat. 

It all came down to what hobby or pastime a victim liked. Regular or temporary the curse doesn’t care. Just something for it to latch on with a vice like grip. It’ll be subtle, bide its time as it slowly changed whatever the target desires into an unhealthy obsession.

The first option that was just described above was the more common way. But there would be times where the curse seemed to get bored and decided to make its hideous morbid plan be known in other creative ways. The laws of physics will be bent to its whims and a grotesque transformation will take place. For all the ways the first method was unpredictable, the second was stupidly the exact opposite when it occurred. 

The resulting transformation may be different, the most blatant ones in recent memory for the town were snails and decapitated heads turning into galaxies. As unlikely of a connection they all seemed, there was always one motif that connected them all. Spirals. And no one knew which method was more prevalent, they both seem to manifest at roughly the same amount of times over the course of the town’s existence. 

Anathema, the town’s latest resident for the last several years now, was out on a walk. There wasn’t anything strange about that, it was just a thing she did to take her mind off of things, usually college related things. She lived at the old Jasmine Cottage ever since it was passed down to her as decreed in her great-grandmother’s will. Perfect really in a...bittersweet way as it wasn’t too crazily far from Tadfield University and she can escape from her prophecy crazed family. Finally she can do whatever she wanted and not adhere to being nothing more than a lifelong Descendant. 

It hadn’t been too long into her walk, about ten minutes, before she noticed her friend at one of the picnic tables. Crowley. Ever since she started college here, they have been best friends. She changed course and headed over to sit across from him. She noticed his head was hidden in his arms, his vibrant, fiery red hair made him stand out easily from the few other people here. Especially in combination with his usual black attire. Anyone can find him easily in a crowd here. 

Crowley lifted his head from his arms to face Anathema as she said down, “Hey book girl.” He greeted casual, albeit with not as much enthusiasm as it deserved. Anathema gave him a friendly smile in return.

“Hey Crowley, are you alright?” Anathema asked, concerned.

“Oh fine. Peachy even.” Crowley casually deadpanned. A faux cheeriness belied the annoyance and irritation in his voice. Not at Anathema mind you, but at the whole situation he and Aziraphale were in. They were lovers from opposite sides of an apartment complex. And, of course, because the Universe can’t give him a break, both of their families hate each other. With a capital H.

Crowley dropped the facade, Anathema can see through his bs anyways. Not like he put in any effort anyways to hide anything anyways. He continued, voice still snarky, “Except I still feel like I’m in bloody Romeo and Juliet.”

“Oh,” Anathema sighed apologetically. She felt bad for him, for both him and Aziraphale really. Logically she couldn’t see how things would get better as long as they still live at home. But at the same time, she had some hope that things would get better and they can all finish their college career in relative peace, “Not getting any better I presume?”

“No it’s only gotten worse,” Crowley leaned in closer a bit and took a quick look around to make sure they were alone. He didn’t want them to be snuck up on by any of Aziraphale’s family. Unlikely since his parents and oldest sisters Michael and Uriel were away for their family company. Plus Gabriel was busy with his law firm. “You want to know what Aziraphale’s sodding brother said to me earlier today?”

“What did he say?” 

“He said he would rather bury me in an hole in the ground then have me breathe the same air as Aziraphale.” Crowley huffed out, obviously still pissed over that whole exchange, “I can’t wait the two years left to get us out of this godforsaken town.” He spat out. And that would be hard to do at the moment, they didn’t have enough combined money to run out of town.

“You both can always stay at my place.”

“Nah...I mean thanks for the offer,” Crowley awkwardly corrected himself, “But I’ll be too worried about them still bugging us. No matter where we go in Tadfield, his holier than thou siblings would show up like cockroaches.”

“I never fully understood why they hate your family and vice versa.” Anathema brazenly commented, an exasperated whisper under her breath. Oh she knew the supposed reasons by way of Crowley and Aziraphale. The former’s family would accuse Aziraphale and his family as holier than thou snobs with an irremovable, permanent stick up their asses. Crowley’s side however would accuse the other of being nothing more than lowly heathens who’d never amount to anything. 

Which was all just, to say it tactfully, not really legit answers. Whatever the crux of the issue is, it was lost long ago. Nobody in their family knew why they hated each other, just that the feud had been on for the last 100 years or so. It was a classic McCoy and Hatfield situation with Romeo and Juliet overtones ever since Aziraphale and Crowley fell in love. 

“Narrow minded tossers the lot of them.” Crowley answered succinctly with a bite to it. Perhaps dramatically too but that was Crowley for you. One second his expression was that of scorn and the next his face brightened. There was an excited smile plastered on his face. Crowley leaned forward as if he just discovered Something SecretTM that only Anathema can know, “Oh I have found a way for both of us to get out of this mess for good.”

Anathema curiosity was piqued. She sat up straighter on her side of the table, “You did?”

“Yep.” Crowley popped the p and his smile somehow grew even bigger, “I admit it’s a bit...drastic but it would guarantee us being together and being out of our family’s hair forever. And quite frankly I’m all for drastic at this point that isn’t stabbing ourselves with a dagger.” 

“What is it?”

Crowley opened his mouth then stopped, as if he was rethinking what he was about to say. Finally he grabbed Anathema’s hand as he got up and she followed suit, “Why don’t I show you. It’ll be better in this case than me just telling you. Want to give you the full picture.”

“Sure.” Anathema said, unsure of what exactly Crowley wanted to show her but curious all the same.   
_________________

They both stood in front of an old run down building. An old cabin that was built back only God knew when. A dilapidated ruin that obviously nobody stepped foot in here for decades. Except for Crowley who apparently knew of this place enough to want to show Anathema something. But he doesn't count really. Point was, the place was so overrun with vines, ivy and damage of several kinds everywhere that anyone with half a brain can tell nobody really lived here. 

And inside, the story was all the same. Water damaged wood, broken floorboards and devoid of any odds and ends that would recall a home once lived. Add to that was the creepy, dingy atmosphere that did nothing to make them feel welcomed here. The cold, haunting, melancholy vibe pointed to ‘leave now’ rather than ‘oh come on in, please why don’t you stay a while.’

The floorboard creaked, which sounded extra loud due to the dead silence that filled this place. Crowley led Anathema towards the far end of the house, across from the front door to an open bedroom. Nothing to light their path but the sun that streamed through the long ago broken window.

The bed was dirty, obviously not fit to lay down on, ratted and torn in many various places. And just like the floor outside, there were still holes here and there. Thankfully there wasn’t enough to poise any serious danger. Still the same ominous creek though that did nothing but sent shivers up Anathema’s spine. She kept her composure though, she wasn’t one to blatantly get freaked out, plus it was daytime and not like she was alone anyways.

And even if she was, she’d been in enough creepy places to become somewhat desensitized. Well that and it helped she knew more about actual supernatural occurrence than most. She was a practicing witch afterall. And an actual psychic with what the auras and all.

Still, all the same, no matter the time of day any ominous sound didn’t really help too much, it would also send her on edge enough to be aware, cautious of her surroundings with straight up hope that they wouldn’t run into any vengeful spirits. Oh yes, they do exist although curiously not all abandoned places are haunted. Unless you wanted to be all poetic and nostalgic about it, in that case all abandoned places are haunted by memories of the past. 

Crowley stopped in front of a hole in the floor that was between the bed and wall. He turned to Anathema, still the same excited smile on his face as he placed his hands on her shoulders, “Alright you know how Tadfield has some weird unexplainable….thing with spirals yeah? The snails, the car wreck with the guy wrapped around the tire. Although I can’t say I’ll miss the guy...Hastur had always been a psychopathic, miserable bastard.”

Anathema nodded a bit tentatively with a small heaping of awkwardness on top of it. She felt unsure of how this would all connect together to a solution to the problem but was open minded all the same. After all, this town didn’t have a reputation for the peculiar for nothing. 

Crowley continued, “Well last time I was here I came across some snakes. And they weren’t your ordinary snakes either. I mean, I suppose they were to a point but these serpents were made up of two separate snakes coiled together. Tightly I might add, real tight,” Crowley depicted it with a dramatic twirl of his finger to draw invisible spirals in the air, “I tried to see if they would willingly come apart, but no, no they might as well been fused together at the molecular level book girl. Like living, breathing steel cables. Or licorice, either way works.” He explained, his voice had gotten slightly more giddy now. 

While Crowley diverted his attention from Anathema to the hole in the ground, Anathema took a moment to piece together what her friend tried to get at. Her eyes widened accompanied with a gasp as she watched Crowley crotch down and reach into the hole. 

“You want to contort yourself and fuse together with Aziraphale?” It came out as a question more than she liked, but part of her was still a little shocked to see how dramatically Crowley had taken this. Wouldn’t it be more logical to just get out of town? Not like Tadfield had kept anyone locked in like a similar cursed Japanese town. That was a major difference by the way between the two places, anyone can leave Tadfield if they so choose too.

“This is crazy, would it make more sense to just run off to...I don’t know, London?” She continued as she watched Crowley stand back up with a snake coiled around his arm. Anathema finally caught sight of the - for all intent and purposes - two headed snake. Certainly wasn’t like anything else she’ve seen, it intrigued her, even if it was a bit creepy, but it could’ve been creepier all things considered. The combination of daylight and the apparent docile temperament of the creature helped keep the creep factor down to a tolerable level. 

“They’ll come after us somehow, especially Aziraphale’s family. They’ll try and ‘rescue’ him from a life of ‘depravity’ with me.” Crowley said quickly with a mild hint of stubborness. And, to be fair, there was truth to that, Aziraphale’s family had been known to be involved in deals in back channels and dark shady alleyways. But that didn’t take away how illogical this all was. Then again, things in this weird little village has never been anything but illogical.

The two took a moment to observe the snake some more, or rather two of them together. They don’t look like they were in pain at all either. Crowley smiled as he marveled, “It’s beautiful isn’t it? Two snake lovers combined as one for all eternity. Never apart for as long as they shall live. And literally too, look at them...can’t even get apart with a crowbar.” Crowley explained in awe. He took another few seconds to look down at the two coiled snakes just sniffing the air before he faced Anathema. “It’s the ending Romeo and Juliet should’ve had.”

“I still have questions about this Crowley,” Anathema crossed her arms as she spoke frankly to the taller man, “How the hell are you two going to survive fused together like that?” She gestured to the two headed snake as Crowley knelt down to let them slither away peacefully. 

He stood back up before he replied with a nonchalant shrug, “Easy. We’ll live in the ocean. See I’ve seen some of these spiral snakes in love the few times I’ve been here. There’s an old pond out back and I’ve seen the suckers dive in with no problem.”

“That doesn’t mean you and Aziraphale can live in the ocean. We can’t breath underwater.”

“With the way things are here, we probably can already. You’ve been in this hellhole of a town long enough to see this haven’t you. Something about it that changes the way you’re built in a way that defies all physics. All the logical scientific rules most of the world lives by, they don’t mean jack shit here.”

Anathema was pensive for the next moment before she sighed concededly, “Ok you got a point.”

“I’m just using Tadfield’s weirdness to our advantage.”

Anathema nodded, there was also a pang of sadness that swelled up and outwards from her chest. Course this all meant that two of her closest friends were leaving without a plan to look back. Yes, she can handle herself fine enough with just the other friends she had - mainly the small witches coven here - but she felt like she fitted here better around Aziraphale and Crowley. Not that her witch friends weren’t nice people but the stark difference had always been how she lived most of her life more like a Descendant in preparation for a non-existent Apocalypse. 

Plus there was the fact she was working diligently to graduate this year with a Ph’D.

“Have you told Aziraphale about your plan?” Anathema asked after a few seconds of silence passed between them.

“Way ahead of you book girl. I’m planning on telling him tonight and then go ahead with it in the morning tomorrow.”

“Wait, tomorrow?” 

Crowley nodded, “Yeah! It’ll be bright and early, both of our idiotic families won’t know we’re missing for a few hours at the least.”

“Hold on, will I see you guys again?” Anathema wondered, still calm and collected but still, she wanted to know. 

The excitement died down in Crowley’s face to a more casual level. His voice swam in awkwardness, “Yeah err, I mean...shit I haven’t thought of that. Be hard to text as a human snake.”

“I can imagine,” Anathema lightly deadpanned.

“And I rather not us come back here.”

“I understand.” Anathema said before her face brightened up with an idea, “I can always move to my aunt in Puerto Rico after the semester is done. Stay with her until I find a place. And we would be far away from the weirdness here. Win-win for all of us.” Not that she was adverse to any kind of weirdness, but a lot of it in a short amount of time can get quite old. 

“Exactly. I do have one little request though before you leave.” Crowley said. Anathema nodded and an eager smile formed on his face, “Punch Gabriel on your way out.”

“Got it.”  
_______________________

  
Somewhere on the coast of Puerto Rico some indeterminate amount of time later, Anathema stood on a beach. She is in her mid 30s now, and things were relatively normal now. Maybe not normal as mainstream would dictate, but nothing to the caliber of weirdness as before. No supernatural curses to be known outside of spells in grimories put strictly in the ‘only read, do not enact’ list.

Just a job at a small bookstore and her continued studies in the art of witchcraft. 

And things have also gotten better for her two friends too. They weren’t exactly human anymore, but who really cared. As long as Aziraphale and Crowley were happy. And they were much happier then they were before. Anathema can tell by way of their auras, bright warm colors that surrounded all 50 feet of them. 

The locals - mostly kids and young teenagers - had since created something of a legend derived from the few visits ‘The Human Serpent of Arroyo’ make each year. The end result was if one sees the strange two headed being with the colorful mixture of vintage and modern clothes intertwined together, then good luck will prevail.

It was early in the morning, early enough that the sky was awash in pinks and red as the sun began to make itself be known for the day. It was peaceful this time of day too, not a lot of people. And the air was cool and comfortable. She can get why people would come to the beach a lot, she herself just doesn’t too often. Just mostly when she has a feeling Aziraphale and Crowley might come around again. 

It’s...ineffable to be honest. 

The ocean in front of her was calm, little waves washing up onto the beach as she stayed at a pace behind the wet sand. It was quiet save for the birds and the real faint chatter of two people in the far distance to her left. There was a good sense of tranquility and she savored it. 

Suddenly the water broke at a point in the ocean straight ahead. Two heads were revealed as they made an arch motion, one with white hair and one with fiery red hair. She waved at them as they disappeared under the water followed by their long, coiled body. This went on for about twenty minutes before they finally made their leave. 

Long ago she realized she had quickly gotten used to the idea of their being a human snake who lived in the ocean. Another victim of the spiral curse, well maybe not so much victim in this case. But rather a solution to the problem. One that was obviously well worth it to anyone with half a brain. A different ending that didn’t end in complete, utter tragedy. 

A blessing rather than a curse as they were very much happy.


End file.
